Tag Archives: children

Teenagers…

*deep breath*

Training up teenagers is NOT easy. It is probably one of the hardest jobs on the planet. Ever.

Teenagers are moody. Teenagers are sensitive. Teenagers are unreasonable. Teenagers make NO sense a lot of the time. Teenagers test every nerve and bit of patience you have. Having a teenager is one of the many things that keeps me awake at night worrying.

BUT

My teenager (16 going on 17… admit it, you sang it along with me), is actually a pretty cool kid. She is an artsy type. Loves theater, art, musicals, Greek mythology, Batman, Dr. Who, and all kinds of stuff. She has a pretty decent head on her shoulders, is fairly mature for her age, but still loves a good Disney movie once in a while, (hey we watched her favorite “Hercules” ON her 16th birthday, and yes, her obsession with all things Greek Myth related started at age 2). She loves to read, and will devour just about anything you put in front of her. I started her on Little House books like I did, then she moved on to the Narnia series. She hasn’t stopped since. In fact, as punishment for lack of chore-doing or homework missing, we’ve had to take the books AWAY so she doesn’t sit in “her” spot on the love seat with the little dog and her book lol.

I don’t typically give parenting advice, unless I’m asked. Mostly because when people realize how young *I* am to have a 16 year old, most of them think I don’t have a clue, so they don’t ask. So, first things first, let’s go ahead and get this out there. Yes, I am 35. Yes, you did your math correctly, I was 19 when I had her. I don’t regret a thing. (Hey I’ll be 37 when she graduates high school! Which ironically enough, will be exactly 20 years after I did lol). Do I recommend starting that early for everybody? No. It takes a certain amount of maturity to be able to handle all things parenting related at that age. But, I grew up fast. I worked, paid for my own health insurance, took myself to my doctor’s appointments (and later took DD), moved out on my own, etc etc etc.

That being said. DH and I work VERY hard to make sure that both kids, but especially DD now, take a slightly different path than we did. I want her to go to college (and finish). Even if it’s online from home to get her core stuff out of the way first. I want her to find a career and work hard at it. We are strict parents. We know what we got into as teenagers, and don’t want our kids to follow that path. So yes, gatherings with friends either happen at home, or at a friend’s house with parents in attendance, or somewhere very public, with me there somewhere, (ie walking around the mall). Now, before you think I’m completely neurotic. Yes, DD has a “boyfriend”. He’s actually a great kid, they’ve been friends since day one of their freshman year, and are really great close friends. His parents are of like mind as us. And he has a younger sibling too. Which, by they way, make GREAT chaperones, they LOVE to tattle on older siblings lol.

Recently tho, we found out that one of DD’s friends wasn’t exactly making the best choices in life for a not quite 16 year old (she’s a few months younger than DD). I had noticed, that it seemed to me anyway, that DD was pulling away from said friend, who’s life seems to just be one problem, mass of drama, after another. So, in one of our car rides home, I asked a few questions. Heard about various incidents, both in school and out, and suggested that maybe it was time to pull back a little and not spend as much time with this person. Which I explained, if these are the things that are happening in her life, it’s probably best to keep a distance. Don’t need the “birds of a feather” to become an issue for her. Now, scroll back up to where I said, “Teenagers test every nerve and bit of patience you have”. Read that a few more times lol. Because, not the best decision in this situation, DD told her friend that I said it was best to not spend as much time together. *cue … um… poop and fan please*

*facedesk*

This led to two days of angry phone calls, texts, accusations, insults, etc. Among various things, I now know, well, first and foremost, I most definitely made the right decision. I also know, apparently *cough sarcastically* my daughter will never have any friends if she picks them by their grades, O.o , I’m a horrible mother for taking my DD away during such a tough time, (tough time being that apparently there is stalking by an ex of the “friend” and um… I want my daughter near that WHY?!?), and that people think I can be manipulated by a crying teenager on the phone. O.o again, I’ve been at this for 16 years, plus I have two nieces, two sisters, and have been around kids most of my life of various ages. C’mon I was a theater kid my WHOLE life. (not to mention, I’m just not one of those overly emotional chicks. I’m more likely to cry when I’m pissed off than I am at a book or movie. Sorry ladies, but I just don’t deal with tears well, I’m more likely to tell you to suck it up and fix it lol)

Now, yes I mentioned we are strict. And I’m not kidding. Lets go ahead and be blunt. There’s really only one reason two teenagers want to spend time alone. And well. We all know what THAT can get you. So, yes, although I trust that we have taught DD well the consequences of sex, I don’t trust two hormonal teenagers to necessarily make the right decision. And so, yes, I am going to suggest that it’s not a good thing for my DD to spend a lot of time with someone who not only is consummating her relationship with a boyfriend, but being allowed to have sleep overs with said person. *facedesk* Sorry, but I will judge you on how you parent. I won’t tell you how to parent your child, we all have different styles. And if it works for you and your kids GREAT. But don’t come crying to me when they drop out of school, tell you they hate you, run away, get pregnant, or whatever, and ask me “What happened?!?”. Mostly because you won’t like it when I tell you it’s because you were too worried about being their friend to actually be their PARENT.

*begin rant*

You are the parent. You are in charge. You are NOT their friend. Yes, they have feelings, and those feelings are valid, but sometimes you are going to hurt those feelings. Teenagers need to hear “no” just as often as a 2 year old. Allowing your child to make all their own decisions and force your hand on giving into them are just manipulating you. I’ve heard it before “they’ll run away”. Okay, fine, call the cops, worry, pace, freak out, but let the cops find them and bring them home. “They’ll hate me”. You have NO idea how mean I thought my dad was when I was a teenager. Looking back, he was just doing it all to protect me. If you’re really worried about them hurting themselves, that’s what therapy is for (or just having them admitted, you again are the parent and can have them put on a suicide watch if you are that concerned). If you are really worried about them hurting someone else, be careful, but be ready to call the police. Let them realize that there are consequences to acting that way. That’s the BIGGEST problem I see today. Too many parents want to be friends with their kids, and don’t force them to realize there are consequences to their actions. You are not here to be their friend. Not now. Once they have turned into functioning adults, sure no problem, but not as teenagers (or younger).

*end rant*… ish

I am going to end this with one of my favorite pictures I’ve used on Facebook lately when seeing posts about teenagers. It’s great, and some day I will either find this or make this. lol

1383109_619652978077488_1701260286_n

Going to end this here for today. Just remember. Parenting is HARD, parenting is WORK, but parenting is the MOST rewarding job out there. Smile everybody!

Advertisements

Kids, Public Spaces and Manners

Hello my lovely readers. Today is a non crafty post, more of a vent today lol.

I started thinking about this one a couple weeks ago when a friend of mine, after going to a local university baseball game, went with her DH to a local restaurant. They were seated in a section, where near the end of their meal, two couples with some children were seated. The adults took a table, and sat having drinks and socializing, while the children took another, and then coats etc were piled on a third table. The children proceeded to run amok, doing as they please, without a word from the adults in charge. So, essentially, kids are being disruptive, and this group of 8 or so people (adults and children total) took three tables in a section with no regard to anyone else.

Okay. First things first. No, this was not a “children’s” restaurant. Meaning, it wasn’t the big mouse pizza place where kids are expected to run around. This was a sit down, with waiter/waitress, order from a menu, serves adult beverages type of place. Near a large University, employing mostly college aged people for their wait staff. Family friendly, sure, caters to kids specifically, no.

I understand wanting to go out. Have some time with your friends, enjoy an adult beverage or two, let the kids hang out. I really do understand. I am a mom of two, and just because you’ve created life, doesn’t mean your social life is required to go out the window. I know not every child can sit through a meal. I think they should be taught to, but I understand, in some circumstances, that isn’t possible. (But, in my not so humble opinion, if your child isn’t capable of this, get a sitter and go alone or don’t go to a place where a child running about is going to cause a problem to the other people there). There have been plenty of times in life I have either declined an invitation for a meal out, or stayed behind while the rest go out, or sat in the car during a meal because of a particularly fussy child.

Now, before anyone starts reading me the riot act. Please understand. I am not saying this just because of the comfort of other diners. There is also a HUGE safety issue here. I’m sure we’ve all been somewhere, where something similar has happened; where literally small (toddler, preschool, early elementary aged) children are running around. I mean out of their seats, chasing each other, running around. I know kids at that age. Not only are they not always very spatially aware, but they see the world from 4 feet down and below. Meaning, that they are not necessarily going to see your 6 foot tall waiter with a tray full of hot food, come around the corner before it’s too late. And, unfortunately, in this litigious society we are in, there are going to be times when mom and dad are going to be on the phone with the lawyer suing the restaurant. I know some of you are thinking “no they wouldn’t, it wasn’t the restaurant’s fault!”, but um, yeah, remember the when someone sued because they got burned, by HOT COFFEE? Yeah, they won that one. So yeah, it can happen. It probably has.

Now, I know DH and I are strict. We expect our children to behave properly when out in public. We expect, “please”, “thank you”, “yes sir/ma’am” etc. We also expect them to pick a reasonable food choice from the menu, and place their own order with the waiter/waitress. Yes, I have left the grocery store because of a misbehaving child. Yes, I have sat in the car with a fussy baby so the rest of the family could finish their meal in peace. Because, I understand that the world does not revolve around me, my wants, and my desires, and that it’s completely unfair, not only to the other diners, but the staff as well to have a massive distraction, or unpleasantness in their section.

All this being said. It is our job as parents to train our children. Sorry, you raise crops, you train children. Babies are born with nothing but natural instinct, it is our job to teach them how to be civilized and eventually productive members of society. You can not do this by being your kids’ best friend. You can not do this by just expecting them to know what to do. You can not do this by allowing behaviors you don’t like to continue without doing something about it. You can not do this by worrying about hurting their feelings, again, you are the parent, NOT the friend. You can not do this by threatening punishments, but never following through. It doesn’t work. Are my kids perfect? No where close. Do I usually receive compliments on their behavior? Yes. Do I deal with it when I don’t? Absolutely.

I am the first to admit, that there are times, I really don’t like other people’s kids. This is because, I expect all children to behave with the manners appropriate to their age (mental and/or physical). So, when I am met with rude, un-mannered, misbehaving children, all I want to do is get away. It’s why I don’t teach. I was raised to respect my elders, use my manners, and keep quiet when adults are trying to have a conversation. There are times I see how some children speak to their parents or other adults in charge and I’m stunned because I would have never spoken to an adult that way, nor would I allow my children to. I still wouldn’t speak to someone else, just another human being, in the manner that some children do today. I’d be too embarrassed.

Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox for today. Just think about it. (also, side note, if you don’t have kids, don’t give advice, unless you have a degree in early childhood education or child psychology, k thanks) I’ve seen the meme plenty of times, “Forget about what kind of world we are leaving for our children, what kind of children are we leaving for the world”.

Smile everybody! It helps you and just might help someone else!


Mary Maxim Blog

Knit and Crochet Tips, Updates and more.

The Prolific Trek

726 episodes. 13 movies. 366 days.

Diabetes Odyssey

A blog about my life with type 1 diabetes and related complications.

free_bird

Loner's...do not enjoy solitude, but having tried unsuccessfully to blend in; only to realize people often disappoint them....they shelter themselves.

WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

Anne Wheaton dot Com

A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way

sleepykittystitches.wordpress.com/

Cross Stitch & My Kitty

theunfinishedcrafter

A chronic sufferer of 'new-project-itis', I'm hoping this inspires me to finish some of my unfinished projects.

Crafting to Speak

Learning how to talk with color and fabric and thread.

Stitch Therapy

Discovering me … one stitch at a time

The Crafty Coup

Finally, you're here! Let's make something!

Explore Newness

My quest to do or learn something NEW as often as I can!

Treacle Scones & Rumpled Sheets

There's more than one way to enjoy melted butter.

Hook Stitch Hoop

Stitching my way through life

crosstitchery

handcrafted by; quilts, needlework, DIY & decor

the twisted yarn

Knitting and crocheting colour for the home.