Tag Archives: life

Being okay with being me

I sit here tonight, rather content. Is my life perfect? Oh hellll no. lol I have a new class starting tomorrow for school (anatomy and physiology I, and yes I’m scared), there’s laundry in the dryer, a barely started afghan on my hook, a cross stitch that hasn’t been touched in weeks, I should probably vacuum, and I really need to sort my closet.

But…

What’s had this post on my brain for a while now, has been this video. I will admit to being a huge Wil Wheaton fan. Ever since I was a little girl, not quite nine years old, curled up on the couch against my daddy’s side, watching “Encounter at Farpoint” for the first time, I thought Mr. Wheaton was the COOLEST person ever. He was a TEENAGER (which at not-quite-nine is a big deal) and he was ON STAR TREK. The NEW Star Trek. The first NEW Star Trek series in AGES (my earliest ST memories are of IV: The Voyage Home, yes I’d seen most of them, but for whatever reason IV is the one that sticks in my brain as the first movie I remember). So, all of that being said, when I was that not quite nine year old little girl, Mr. Wheaton was very, very cool. (by the way if you want to find out how cool of a person he still is, go here, he does podcasts and blogging things and just cool stuffs. Speaking of podcasts, can someone explain these to me? I have an iPhone and obviously internet, but I’m not quite sure what I do to listen/watch to these things… so help an “old lady” out here).

Then that nine year old little girl grew up into a rather shy, introverted, awkward, teenager… I tried really, REALLY, hard to fit in. I was in marching band, I changed that to JROTC (which actually was a great idea because I don’t know if I would have graduated if I hadn’t), I had friends here and there, but no one I was ever really close to. Yes, even today I have some people I knew in high school on Facebook and such, but, I was never really super close with anyone, and I’m still not. After being laughed at, or worse, bullied (at times rather severely), for being smart, liking to read, liking all the things I like (the list is long, but I’ll get to that), I tried to hide it. I tried to “give up” the things I liked. Seriously. I stopped watching ST:TNG, never watched an episode of DS9, Voyager, or Enterprise, when they first were on air. Never saw another movie in the theater. I gave it all up. (and Star Trek isn’t all of it, never watched Stargate, or Eureka, or Warehouse 13, or ANYTHING sci-fi related at all, more on that in a bit)

I hid how smart I was (and really, I’m not THAT smart). I wouldn’t read in public. Missed a lot of really cool stuff. Never went to a DragonCon in Atlanta (usually that’s the closest Con of any interest to me here in SC) or any other Con for that matter. (Still on my bucket list, but I’ll get there). I hid the fact that I loved Animaniacs, and Batman:The Animated Series (that IS where I found Harley after all, WAY before she was “cool” and Suicide Squad was a thing). I didn’t talk about growing up on Star Wars (my R2D2 underoos ROCKED thank-you-very-much), Star Trek (TOS and the movies, and TNG until I got “too cool”), Buckaroo Bonzai (still John Lithgow’s best role if I do say so)… I didn’t talk about how much I loved Stephen King, and Dean Koontz, and Robin Cook (they made you THINK), as well as Anne McCaffrey (dragons, DUH). Instead I tried to dislike all of that stuff, and like all the “cool” stuff. I tried. I failed. I liked rock and alternative and metal (I also have a deep love of classical, and was a trained pianist at one point in my life). I couldn’t get into pop and country (hey I am in the south, that was the “thing”).

So, I kind of wandered and did my own thing, and kept who I was to myself. I didn’t talk about what I liked, and would just smile and nod when my friends would get excited about what they were into. I would watch the popular movies, listen to the Top 40 stations, and just kind of exist.

So… anyway… onward…

I play it off well, but I am severely introverted. I could literally go days without ever leaving the house and be perfectly content. I struggle with reaching out to people, I struggle with making plans, and if I do make them, I struggle with following through with them. I am really good at excuses. That sounds horrible I know. It’s not always excuses either, I do have things that come up, life happens! I will admit that sometimes though, it is an excuse. Thankfully I have a couple of wonderful friends, and a great husband, that don’t give me too much shit about it either.

I really do have a point, bear with me, I’m getting there, I promise…

Within the last five years or so ago, I slowly started realizing that I can like what I like. Netflix has been the BEST thing ever. Really. That’s sounds crazy, but I’m quite serious. With the digital streaming service, I have been able to watch every single Star Trek episode and movie I’ve wanted. (okay, almost, the newest reboot of the Star Trek movies aren’t all available on Netflix yet, but I’ll get to it eventually). Not just all the ST series either, (and sorry to everybody, as much as TNG has a very special place in my heart, Voyager is my hands down favorite), but Charmed, Buffy, Angel, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Firefly, Haven, Eureka, Warehouse 13, and I’m sure more that I’ve lost track of.

Not long after I started binge watching (Hi, my name is Becca, and I binge watch on Netflix and Amazon), I found the video I mentioned at the beginning of this. I am woman enough to admit that the first time I watched it, I cried. Here was Mr. Wheaton, a man I’d hero-worshiped as an 8 year old girl (and sorry Anne, had a bit of a crush on, too), telling me that I AM OKAY. So… silly little fan girl that I am, loaded up my twitter again, and started following all kinds of my favorite people. Too many to name, but I’ve had some “follow backs” myself that have made me grin like a crazy person, as well as replies and likes from several of my favorite people. I’ve had brief Facebook chats with some truly awesome people (more on that in the future, maybe 😉 ).

I tweet and Facebook about new projects coming up, sharing memes and seeing fun stuff. I laugh, I smile, I read blogs and articles, sign up for newsletters and generally enjoy myself and all the geekness I can handle. I look at pictures from conventions, I smile at Mr. Auberjonois’ bucket pictures. I giggle when Jeri Ryan and Robert Picardo tease each other. I try not to swoon too much when I get a like, or a reply.

And then, as I’m writing, Jeri Ryan posts this meme:

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And well, it’s kind of my whole point. I’m letting my weird light shine bright. I’m here. I’m shy. I’m socially awkward. I may stutter, shake, giggle in weird places, or smile way too much, but I’m a weirdo. And I’m okay with that.

So, to Mr. Wheaton (and his lovely wife, Anne), Jeri Ryan, Terry Farrell, Gates McFadden, Sir Patrick Stewart, Michael Dorn, Marina Sirtis, Rene Auberjonois, Manu Intiraymi, Robert Picardo, Brent Spiner, Eddie McClintock, Connor Trineer, Jolene Blalock, and so many many many more, THANK YOU. You all have been massively patient with us crazy fans. I know there are “bad eggs” out there, but you still continue to be patient with us, even if we are annoying. ❤

(P.S. I will get back to my crafty updates soon, I promise, I do have things to show off there)


Life as a Wife of a Type 1 Diabetic

I started this a couple years ago, and put it to the side. I feel the need to finish it now though, and hope it will explain a few things. I know this isn’t my usual crafty stuff, and I’ll get an update on that soon too, but this needed to happen first.

Many of you lovely readers that know me, know that DH is a Type 1 Diabetic. Diagnosed right before Halloween when he was 11 years old. Learned how to give himself shots, check his blood sugar, got lists and lists of “dos and don’ts”, and got chased around by nurses trying to get him to eat peaches *giggles*

Before this diagnosis, he was an aspiring hockey player (he is from the frozen Midwest after all) with not a care in the world (as any 11 year old should be). Now we have a son, not much older than that, I can’t even begin to imagine.

As a wife though, from the time I found out (funny story there), to now, I have given shots, spoon fed Lucky Charms, waited anxiously through tests, two eye surgeries, a hernia surgery, and dug through grocery store shelves to find that ONE bag of fruit gummies (his favorite low blood sugar treat) with more of his favorite flavor, and that’s just a tiny piece of it. Because, I love him, and I married him the man, NOT the disease.

Now, to the part that will probably get me LOTS of comments and such. If you are a Type 2 diabetic, go away. No offense intended, at all, but in 80-95% of cases, you can get rid of your diabetes (to those in the small percentages, I’m not talking to you). Type 1’s cannot. Ever. It doesn’t matter if they are under, over, or a perfect weight, doesn’t matter if they adhere to the strictest of diets, doesn’t matter WHAT they do. T1D will ALWAYS be there.

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I know it seems harsh to say “go away”. But seriously people. There are ways to keep T2D under control to the point of no medication (and before I get blasted, yes I know there is a percentage of people this is not the case for, but you aren’t the ones I’m talking to), or gone completely by doing what your doctors, nurses, exercise coaches, and nutritionists tell you.

All that being said. I’ve read some disturbing statistics over the years. The rate of T1D diagnoses has gone up 23% in the US between 2001 – 2009. Also, I believe it’s somewhere in the 80% range of the funding for diabetes research goes to Type 2, NOT type 1. That being said, if you want to help, http://www.JDRF.org is the place to go. They are dedicated solely to finding a cure for T1D. Push your local and federal leaders to support JDRF and increase the funding to find a cure for this.

My DH has been very blessed. No major problems from his diabetes. One eye has a few issues, he’s had some mild neuropathy. We are exploring options of a cure called Islet Cell Transplantation. It involves surgery, and time away from home, and a myriad of things I won’t get into right now.

What I do want to talk about though, as delicately as I can, without giving away too much information is this. Diabetes not only controls a good chunk of our lives. Not only is factored into every single decision we make. Not only is why I always carry I bigger purse, and snacks everywhere we go. Not only is why we don’t travel much. Not only is all of these things. But it is expensive. We have watched over the years the prices of all the needed medications rise steadily, and rapidly, over the past 15 years. At scary rates. For example:

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The second two listed? Those are two of the many prescriptions we buy a month. Not in vial form, and yes, we have insurance. And no, we can’t skip it. Yes, we have skipped other things to pay for this though. Average medical costs per month for us can be upwards of $400. That is prescriptions, alcohol swabs, special foods, doctor’s visits, lab work bills… I think you get the idea. And that’s assuming there are no major problems, and we keep him out of the doctor’s office (or worse, the hospital) for viruses, bacterial infections, and the like. (which by the way, if you’re sick, go away and don’t breathe on me or him, and as much as we care about you, no we will not come visit you in the hospital lol)

So, to all those people that say, “why don’t you get DS more private lessons?”, “what about this or that summer intensive?”, “how about these shoes, tights, clothes?” or sympathetic looks when I say my DD is doing technical college before transferring to a four year, like I’m doing something wrong. When I say back, “no sorry, we can’t.” or “only if there is a scholarship for it.” or “thank goodness my dad is willing to pay for this or that”. I’m not kidding. I’m not lazy. I home-school my DS, keep up with the house and laundry, taxi both kids everywhere they need to go in my 10 year old car, am taking 24 college credits from March to November (that’s 3 credit hours every 5 weeks, or the equivalent of two full 12 credit hour semesters in about 8 months with no breaks. None, seriously, I will finish a class on a Monday and start a new one on a Tuesday), and am seriously looking at any offer of a job, even if it’s bagging groceries.

And you know what. I’m not ashamed. Not of my circumstances. I’m a bit embarrassed for everyone that thinks I should be “doing better”. But you know what? I am happy. I am stressed out sometimes, and seriously wish I would manage to land a winning lottery ticket some days, but I am happy. My kids are happy. My husband is alive, and as healthy as can be expected. All I’m hoping for is a little more understanding. A little less, “oh you all should do this, that, or travel here or there.” It sounds great, it really does, but that’s not where my priorities are. My priorities are educating my children, getting my own education, and keeping my husband as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

Is it really necessary for me to “tell the world” all of this? Nope. But I am tired of people not understanding. I’m tired of trying to make excuses for reasons we can’t go somewhere, or do something. I’m tired of trying to justify why my hubby is sick again (please, PLEASE stop spreading your germs, or just assuming it’s faking, or assuming he’s lazy, or just thinking he’s not doing something, trust me, daily vitamins and pro-biotics on top of all his regular meds are keeping him as healthy as he is, imagine how sick he would be if he didn’t do everything he does) And please understand. Sometimes there is NOTHING we can do. He can eat perfectly, take perfect doses of insulin, everything right, and there are STILL going to be days that sugars go high, or low, or whatever. There are many things that can happen when it does, and the effects can last for a day or two, as well. I will leave you with a little chart that is just a small glimpse of what my darling husband, goes through, sometimes daily…

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Weekly Craft Update – March 23, 2015

Hello everyone! So, my week was rather crazy as I expected. The final ballet of the season was this past week, and it was a success! Now it is back to something slightly normal, although still busy, until DD’s prom in April and recitals in May. So, I get a month to breathe lol.

Needless to say, I didn’t get nearly as much time to crochet as I thought I would, and I’m not 100% sure this isn’t going to end up being frogged and restarted. The ripple effect seems off, so I’m not sure if I missed a count somewhere or I’m just not far enough into it yet to see it. I’ll post pictures and updates on that hopefully next week.

Now, on top of the ballet, I managed to get myself a lovely case of the sniffles, with a clogged nose and all. But, that did mean I got a little more time to stitch than I expected, and although not a huge amount of work done, progress is progress. So, here is this week’s picture for the cross stitch…

 

  

That’s it for this week! Keep smiling and keep creating!


Weekly Craft Update – March 16, 2015

Happy Monday everybody! 

Only had time for some stitching this week, and not quite as much as I’d wanted, but progress is progress! This week may be worse for progress, we’ll see next week, but being that DS and I have the final performances of our last ballet of the season, I may not be able to stitch but I do plan on getting some serious crocheting done. We are back in our “home” theater this week, so I know all the good sitting and crocheting spots 🙂 So, I am hopeful to have some afghan progress to show next week. 

As for the stitching progress, here you go…



Keep smiling and happy crafting!


The Grass is Greener…

You’ve all heard the saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” These days I’m sure most of you have probably heard the more modernized version of this, “The grass is greener on the other side, because it’s fertilized with more bullsh*t.”

I have to agree with the modern update to this, personally.

Okay, before people start throwing popcorn and calling me a pessimist, no, actually I’m usually quite the optimist, and very much the realist, (just ask DH, he gets a little annoyed sometimes when I’m constantly pointing out the bright side of things). I do believe the cup is half full, or just needs topping off at least, and there is usually quite the silver, gold, or at least shiny tin lining to every cloud. You may not always be able to see it, but it’s there.

Now. On to the saying…

Too many people I think in this modern day society we live in, live by the first, older, version of the saying. Always moving from place to place, job to job, relationship to relationship because it JUST seems a little greener other places. Never once slowing down enough to appreciate what they have.

You know, when I was younger, and faced with a decision, several people throughout the years have always told me, “make a list of the pros and cons”. Which has definitely stuck with me, and I have done it, maybe not extensively on paper as I once did, but I have done it, for lots of major decisions. It’s a concrete way to look at everything that is going to be effected by whatever decision you are trying to make. It can also help pull you back to reality a little bit, and really makes you examine the whole decision very closely to make sure you are seeing all parts of it.

For example. Let’s just say you are looking at changing jobs. Pros are typically more money, or a better benefits package, things along those lines. Cons can be further travel, or an unfamiliar industry, etc. Then you have to decide what’s more important, these better benefits or money, or longevity with a company. Most people forget, even in something as simple as changing jobs, that the cost of the longer commute will negate any raise, or that vacation they wanted to take next summer isn’t going to happen now because you won’t have any leave time built up. All things you have to look at, and weigh how important they are for you, and your family.

Now, to get to the touchy part of this, and again, before anyone starts screaming that it’s aimed at them, or I’m horrible, I will promise I have no one in particular in mind, and this is my opinion. Doesn’t make me horrible. *grins*.

This is mostly referring to married people. Too many times these days, once the going gets tough, the tough pack their shi*t and leave. Remember that old saying? “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” doesn’t mean, they get going out the door! It means they buckle down and get to work, “bulldogging” their way through whatever tough situation is going on. Another meme that I’ve seen recently, usually pictures an older couple, “the reason we’re still together after so many years, is because in our day, when something was broken, you fixed it, and didn’t throw it away.” That is SO true.

I remember as a little girl, wandering through my Pop’s old workshop. The smell of a lawnmower and gasoline still make me think of it. But, to a little girl, it was fascinating. Bits and pieces of everything! Wire, nuts, bolts, screws, old baby food jars, FILLED with little things, broken fans, parts and pieces from this and that. All because, if something broke, he FIXED it.

So, let’s get back to the “old days”. FIX things when they are broken. And I don’t just mean material things here folks, I mean friendships, relationships (and yes, I know some are broken beyond repair, I’m not THAT much of an optimist), work issues, and even that old fan that is making a funny noise. Take it apart, look at the insides, and figure out what’s wrong. Then try to fix it. The grass really isn’t always greener on the other side. Yes, sometimes it is, but make sure you know WHY it’s greener before you move to a new pasture.

Smile everybody! 🙂


Update, New Look (ish), etc

Been a busy week here for me. Between kiddos’ doctor appointments and a bit of a bug in the house, I haven’t had the time to sit and write like I’ve wanted to. But, fair warning lol, I am adding a new category to the blog. My reviews. I will be giving my thoughts and opinions on various TV series, Movies, and Books.

I also have a couple of blogs I almost NEED to get out due to life drama going on, but I also will be gone a good portion of the weekend so I am going to try to get some knocked out today and tomorrow.

I chose a slightly different theme for the blog. I wanted to have DH make me a custom one, but it didn’t want to work with WordPress so I just spent the time to choose one I like, instead of just the first random one I picked originally.

So, there’s your warning, if I can get them knocked out, LOTS of blogs from me in the next couple of days! Smile on everybody!


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