Tag Archives: manu intiraymi

Being okay with being me

I sit here tonight, rather content. Is my life perfect? Oh hellll no. lol I have a new class starting tomorrow for school (anatomy and physiology I, and yes I’m scared), there’s laundry in the dryer, a barely started afghan on my hook, a cross stitch that hasn’t been touched in weeks, I should probably vacuum, and I really need to sort my closet.

But…

What’s had this post on my brain for a while now, has been this video. I will admit to being a huge Wil Wheaton fan. Ever since I was a little girl, not quite nine years old, curled up on the couch against my daddy’s side, watching “Encounter at Farpoint” for the first time, I thought Mr. Wheaton was the COOLEST person ever. He was a TEENAGER (which at not-quite-nine is a big deal) and he was ON STAR TREK. The NEW Star Trek. The first NEW Star Trek series in AGES (my earliest ST memories are of IV: The Voyage Home, yes I’d seen most of them, but for whatever reason IV is the one that sticks in my brain as the first movie I remember). So, all of that being said, when I was that not quite nine year old little girl, Mr. Wheaton was very, very cool. (by the way if you want to find out how cool of a person he still is, go here, he does podcasts and blogging things and just cool stuffs. Speaking of podcasts, can someone explain these to me? I have an iPhone and obviously internet, but I’m not quite sure what I do to listen/watch to these things… so help an “old lady” out here).

Then that nine year old little girl grew up into a rather shy, introverted, awkward, teenager… I tried really, REALLY, hard to fit in. I was in marching band, I changed that to JROTC (which actually was a great idea because I don’t know if I would have graduated if I hadn’t), I had friends here and there, but no one I was ever really close to. Yes, even today I have some people I knew in high school on Facebook and such, but, I was never really super close with anyone, and I’m still not. After being laughed at, or worse, bullied (at times rather severely), for being smart, liking to read, liking all the things I like (the list is long, but I’ll get to that), I tried to hide it. I tried to “give up” the things I liked. Seriously. I stopped watching ST:TNG, never watched an episode of DS9, Voyager, or Enterprise, when they first were on air. Never saw another movie in the theater. I gave it all up. (and Star Trek isn’t all of it, never watched Stargate, or Eureka, or Warehouse 13, or ANYTHING sci-fi related at all, more on that in a bit)

I hid how smart I was (and really, I’m not THAT smart). I wouldn’t read in public. Missed a lot of really cool stuff. Never went to a DragonCon in Atlanta (usually that’s the closest Con of any interest to me here in SC) or any other Con for that matter. (Still on my bucket list, but I’ll get there). I hid the fact that I loved Animaniacs, and Batman:The Animated Series (that IS where I found Harley after all, WAY before she was “cool” and Suicide Squad was a thing). I didn’t talk about growing up on Star Wars (my R2D2 underoos ROCKED thank-you-very-much), Star Trek (TOS and the movies, and TNG until I got “too cool”), Buckaroo Bonzai (still John Lithgow’s best role if I do say so)… I didn’t talk about how much I loved Stephen King, and Dean Koontz, and Robin Cook (they made you THINK), as well as Anne McCaffrey (dragons, DUH). Instead I tried to dislike all of that stuff, and like all the “cool” stuff. I tried. I failed. I liked rock and alternative and metal (I also have a deep love of classical, and was a trained pianist at one point in my life). I couldn’t get into pop and country (hey I am in the south, that was the “thing”).

So, I kind of wandered and did my own thing, and kept who I was to myself. I didn’t talk about what I liked, and would just smile and nod when my friends would get excited about what they were into. I would watch the popular movies, listen to the Top 40 stations, and just kind of exist.

So… anyway… onward…

I play it off well, but I am severely introverted. I could literally go days without ever leaving the house and be perfectly content. I struggle with reaching out to people, I struggle with making plans, and if I do make them, I struggle with following through with them. I am really good at excuses. That sounds horrible I know. It’s not always excuses either, I do have things that come up, life happens! I will admit that sometimes though, it is an excuse. Thankfully I have a couple of wonderful friends, and a great husband, that don’t give me too much shit about it either.

I really do have a point, bear with me, I’m getting there, I promise…

Within the last five years or so ago, I slowly started realizing that I can like what I like. Netflix has been the BEST thing ever. Really. That’s sounds crazy, but I’m quite serious. With the digital streaming service, I have been able to watch every single Star Trek episode and movie I’ve wanted. (okay, almost, the newest reboot of the Star Trek movies aren’t all available on Netflix yet, but I’ll get to it eventually). Not just all the ST series either, (and sorry to everybody, as much as TNG has a very special place in my heart, Voyager is my hands down favorite), but Charmed, Buffy, Angel, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Firefly, Haven, Eureka, Warehouse 13, and I’m sure more that I’ve lost track of.

Not long after I started binge watching (Hi, my name is Becca, and I binge watch on Netflix and Amazon), I found the video I mentioned at the beginning of this. I am woman enough to admit that the first time I watched it, I cried. Here was Mr. Wheaton, a man I’d hero-worshiped as an 8 year old girl (and sorry Anne, had a bit of a crush on, too), telling me that I AM OKAY. So… silly little fan girl that I am, loaded up my twitter again, and started following all kinds of my favorite people. Too many to name, but I’ve had some “follow backs” myself that have made me grin like a crazy person, as well as replies and likes from several of my favorite people. I’ve had brief Facebook chats with some truly awesome people (more on that in the future, maybe 😉 ).

I tweet and Facebook about new projects coming up, sharing memes and seeing fun stuff. I laugh, I smile, I read blogs and articles, sign up for newsletters and generally enjoy myself and all the geekness I can handle. I look at pictures from conventions, I smile at Mr. Auberjonois’ bucket pictures. I giggle when Jeri Ryan and Robert Picardo tease each other. I try not to swoon too much when I get a like, or a reply.

And then, as I’m writing, Jeri Ryan posts this meme:

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And well, it’s kind of my whole point. I’m letting my weird light shine bright. I’m here. I’m shy. I’m socially awkward. I may stutter, shake, giggle in weird places, or smile way too much, but I’m a weirdo. And I’m okay with that.

So, to Mr. Wheaton (and his lovely wife, Anne), Jeri Ryan, Terry Farrell, Gates McFadden, Sir Patrick Stewart, Michael Dorn, Marina Sirtis, Rene Auberjonois, Manu Intiraymi, Robert Picardo, Brent Spiner, Eddie McClintock, Connor Trineer, Jolene Blalock, and so many many many more, THANK YOU. You all have been massively patient with us crazy fans. I know there are “bad eggs” out there, but you still continue to be patient with us, even if we are annoying. ❤

(P.S. I will get back to my crafty updates soon, I promise, I do have things to show off there)

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